Please note: for our recent guide to the latest 2018 event, read our spoiler free tips for Secret Cinema: Blade Runner.

Secret Cinema’s brand new 2016 Tell No One event is here, and unlike last year’s Empire Strikes Back extravaganza, this one is an entirely clandestine operation.

Everyone’s best guess for which film is being shown is [REDACTED TILL MARCH], and now that we’ve been ourselves, we are neither allowed to confirm or deny this vital piece of intel.

Update 20/03/16: It was indeed Dr Strangelove. We knew it! Read our review here.

However we can tell you lots of information that will aid your enjoyment and preparation for Secret Cinema; Tell No One.

This list will be spoiler-free and contain no references to the film or its location.

1) It’s a good one. A REALLY good one. Awesome movie. Awesome production. And when you sit down to watch the actual movie, the setting couldn’t be more perfect.

2) As of 12th February, tickets are still available for most Wednesday & Thursday night showings, and for the final weekend (19th & 20th March).

3) Tickets cost £67.08 (inc booking fee through Seetickets). You can also get a VIP ticket for £134.16, it entitles you to private transportation, secret materials and ‘complimentary refreshments’.

4) If you want a ticket for a sold-out day, just look on the Facebook page during the week before you want to go. There are plenty of people selling spares for face value.

5) You will be able to make your way to and from the location via public transport.

6) It’s set in an indoor location. It is February after all.

7) Arrivals are strictly between 5.30pm and 6.30pm. Latecomers may not be admitted. Also the meeting point may not be the entrance point to the event.

8) Bear in mind that the location of the meeting point is 10 minutes walk away from the nearest tube station. So if you are told to meet at 6:15pm, make sure you get to the tube station by 6pm to allow yourself plenty of time.

9) Shortly after you purchase your ticket you will be emailed an access code to a registration website. Here you can find out your name, your designated ‘department’, rank and most importantly your dress code!

10) My registration email arrived the following day, so be patient.

11) You’ll have to send the website address and access code to anyone else you’ve booked tickets for.

12) As of 16th February, if you’ve registered you can now access the full-site. Here is where you’ll find details of exactly where you need to go (including the postcode, nearest tube and map), as well as who you need to report to and which entrance you will need to take at the meeting point.

13) Take note of your rank, as this will determine who you rendevous with. (For instance, if you’re a Staff Sergeant you’ll be meeting Staff Sergeant Shirley Blewitt in D.O.D.)

14) You must take an A4 paper folder with you in order to keep the classified information you’ll be receiving. Label this folder clearly with your name, department and rank.

15) You can purchase costumes from the Department of Cultural Surveillance.

16) If you order costume from the D.O.C.S. online store less than five days in advance, it may not arrive in time.

17) Nobody is going to hassle you if you don’t go in costume, however do make a minimum effort to avoiding looking like a joyless grump. The instructions for costume give you a ‘key colour’, so try to stick to that at least (for example, if you’re assigned to the US Press, wear grey. Data Operations Department: wear blue).

18) You will need an identity card, a set of which can be purchased from the online store above, however many are now sold out. Don’t worry though, the website does say you can “use another means to display your personal information.” This means your Rank and department number, which must be displayed on your person at all times.

19) You are also required to bring props. These are handy if you want access to cool stuff during the event. You can find out what you need from the online store. For example, if you’re a member of D.O.D, you’ll need “a rose or poem, a short paragraph about how to resolve current international relations and a paper folder to keep classified information you will receive.”

20) Leave your phone at home. You’ll probably get shouted at for even taking it out, so don’t even be tempted.

21) Arrange your rendezvous the old-fashioned way and write down any directions you need before you leave the house. If someone is late meeting you, do want you did in the 90s… just wait longer.

22) If you’re late for your 5:30pm check-in, don’t worry too much, just make sure you arrive before 6:30pm.

23) You’ll have to place you mobile phone in a little zip-lock bag. You’ll then spend the rest of the evening thinking how nice it is not to be surrounded by loads of people Instagramming the life out of every moment.

24) There’s booze, food and toilets available almost immediately on arrival.

25) You don’t have to rush, as you spend a good couple of hours in the main area. Explore EVERYWHERE.

26) If you’re initially split up from your party, you’ll have no problem finding them again very shortly after.

27) Beers are £4 a can, cocktails around £6, a bottle of wine is £18, and these are available throughout the entire evening.

28) We highly recommend the pork bun (£8) from the ‘canteen’.

29) We also highly recommend getting a ‘coffee’ from one of the tea-trolley ladies.

30) It’s card payments only throughout the event space.

31) It’ll finish around 10pm, but you can boogie for longer if you’re given the password for the after-party.

For more cinematic adventures in the capital, check out our guide to London Film Events, including our choice of the 10 best films at BFI Flare.